Real Life

I vowed once I became a mom that I'd NEVER complain about my role as a mother. I remember before having Preston reading so many negative posts on Facebook about how peoples children were driving them crazy. It seemed like there was one complaint after another. And I never wanted to be that parent that took for granted the blessing this role is, no matter how hard or daunting my days would soon be.

Then I became a parent. And, even amidst the good, the bad and those terribly ugly days, I hope I've never actually complained about being a mom. But, I'm sure I've failed in that regard. Because you know what, being a parent is hard. It's tiring. Draining. Exhausting. And I could go on and on. But, even though it's all those things and more, it's so beautiful, and rewarding, and fun, and it's the role I chose for myself. And that's what I have to remind myself when I feel like I'm overwhelmed with the hard aspect of it all. I CHOSE to be a parent. And with that, I chose to accept all of the hardships and rewards that would accompany my new position in life.

I look at people who live near family and are raising children and I think, wow, you have it so easy. So easy and they don't even realize it. To say I'm jealous of anyone who gets to live near family while trying to raise one would be an understatement. In fact, I think they're cheating the system if we're being honest here. I get you'll still have your moments, we all do, but how nice would it be to have family close by to help take care of your little ones when you need a break or are having a hard day? I wouldn't know, and sadly, I'll probably never know. But, for any of you that have kids and live near family, I hope you know how lucky you are, and let's face it, how easy your lot is.

Being far from family is hard. Not having any close friends to help you out when you need an hour of solace, is hard. It's all hard. And it's in those moments, when I'm feeling bad for myself, and a little overwhelmed with life that I have to remind myself that I CHOSE this path. I chose it, and never once did I think it would be easy. I'd be a fool if I ever thought the role of a parent was going to be a walk in the park. I didn't. I don't. I won't. So, with that, I keep on chugging along. I keep dealing with the tantrums. The poop on the floor. And the constant whines that tell me I'm not doing the best job in that very moment. Because being a mother is what I wanted to be and the role I wanted to hold. The life of a stay at home mom I tell ya!

I took a dumb quiz on Facebook the other day, one that said, "how many kid should you really have?" And you know what it told me, I couldn't handle more than one. If I haven't already thought that on my own a thousand times before taking that pathetic quiz, well, here is me taking it far too seriously and wondering what in the world I've gotten myself into? How am I supposed to raise two kids? I can barely handle one half of the time. And to add to the fire, now that I'm about to have a daughter, naturally I'll have to have even more kids, because you know what, every girl deserves a sister...not that I'll get to choose the gender of my children of course. But, I couldn't imagine going through life without my sisters. I'd seriously be a disaster without them. But, it's not just that, even if I go a little crazy these next 15 to 20 years raising a family, it will all be worth it when they have each other to lean on, to learn from, and to walk through life with. I love my siblings more than any of them will ever realize, and for that reason alone, I want my kids to also know the same joys that I do. So, bring on more kids...years and years down the road of course, because I couldn't handle a whole slew of them right now.

Life has felt a little overwhelming these days to say the least. A little bit lonely. And a lot uncomfortable. I lied to someone the other day, unintentionally, and told them I was due in two months. It wasn't until hours later I realized I actually have three months of pregnancy left. Three months! Oh boy. You know what makes you feel good about that though, someone at church asking you if you're sure you don't have two in there? I know I've been a little bit cranky lately, said things out of haste, and not been the most pleasant to be around. But, what's pregnancy good for (besides a baby of course) if we can't use it as a poor excuse for our behavior?

Thank goodness for a trip to Utah in a few more days. A much needed trip at that. One that is nice and long. I couldn't think of anything better right now than a two week break from real life, where I get to hang out with all of my siblings, and all of my nieces and nephews, and only step in as a parent when I'm breaking up a fight over a toy! Yes, this vacation is needed. A break before life get's really crazy around here and I have another child...and then potentially move all the way across the world. Aiy yi yi.


Jana said...

I hear ya sister. Can I tell you a secret? Two is easier than one 99% of the time. :) grocery store trips are about the only thing I try to avoid, but having a little two year old to entertain you and keep you company takes away so much of those first few quiet (lonely) months of newborn hood. Two kids. You're going to love it!

Jenna Lovell said...

We're in your boat, as you know. I agree with Jana, having two kids really isn't much harder than having one, in most situations. Because, with one, you can be 100% maxed out, so being 100% maxed out with two is the same, ha ha :). You are going to love this little girl so much you won't believe it, and the "maxed out moments" will be outweighed by the "I'm so lucky" moments :) (at least on most days, after the after-birth recovery period is conquered!), and then before you know it, you'll be used to your new routines and life will be "easy" for a while. That's when you know it's time to shake things up with #3 :)!

Jenna Lovell said...

P.S. Taking care of your new baby will be a little easier in some ways, because now, at least until she's about 1 1/2, you'll be in "familiar" parenting territory!! :) That's an advantage Preston will never have, so enjoy it with your little girl :).

Megan said...

The horrible winter plus having a toddler plus living far from family has almost made me literally crazy. My husband may even argue that it has in fact made me crazy. I feel your pain and hope you enjoy the nice weather and family in Utah. I'm so jealous of all the people in Utah posting pictures of short sleeves and bragging about 60 degree temps...
Not fair.

AJ Candrian said...

Sisters are indeed the best, and Preston will sure find out! So excited to see you soon.

Joy Candrian said...

So excited to have you too! Sweet, sweet thoughts...I wish I was closer to help you out too!

Cynthia Lovell said...

The good thing is that winter will soon be Over!! ha ha ha I Feel your Pain!!!

I didn't have to deal with the cold,(except for our 3 1/2 yrs. in Utah) but I did have to deal with being ALONE!!! That was so HARD!!! I didn't have a car until my third one was born and never lived close to family, (except for Utah).

We are Very Proud of you and ALL you do and how WELL you take care of our Little Preston!!! He's such a DARLING little Guy!!! We LOVED having you out here for Christmas & just WISH we could see you more often!!!

We LOVE your Blogs!!!

Lovell Family said...

Oh man...I totally feel your pain. I was pregnant with Zach when we moved to Utah. I was in a new ward with no friends. Zach was born soon after we moved. I was lonely, zach cried all the time and so did I. It was hard. I'm sure it depends on your baby's tempera
ment...but having two was definitely harder than the one for me. I dream of how nice it would be to live close to my parents. Hang in there.

I hope we'll get to see you guys when you're out here!!

Sonnie's Stories said...

Wish we were still neighbors, friend. You helped me out so so much. Wish I could return the favor now!