Real Life

I vowed once I became a mom that I'd NEVER complain about my role as a mother. I remember before having Preston reading so many negative posts on Facebook about how peoples children were driving them crazy. It seemed like there was one complaint after another. And I never wanted to be that parent that took for granted the blessing this role is, no matter how hard or daunting my days would soon be.

Then I became a parent. And, even amidst the good, the bad and those terribly ugly days, I hope I've never actually complained about being a mom. But, I'm sure I've failed in that regard. Because you know what, being a parent is hard. It's tiring. Draining. Exhausting. And I could go on and on. But, even though it's all those things and more, it's so beautiful, and rewarding, and fun, and it's the role I chose for myself. And that's what I have to remind myself when I feel like I'm overwhelmed with the hard aspect of it all. I CHOSE to be a parent. And with that, I chose to accept all of the hardships and rewards that would accompany my new position in life.

I look at people who live near family and are raising children and I think, wow, you have it so easy. So easy and they don't even realize it. To say I'm jealous of anyone who gets to live near family while trying to raise one would be an understatement. In fact, I think they're cheating the system if we're being honest here. I get you'll still have your moments, we all do, but how nice would it be to have family close by to help take care of your little ones when you need a break or are having a hard day? I wouldn't know, and sadly, I'll probably never know. But, for any of you that have kids and live near family, I hope you know how lucky you are, and let's face it, how easy your lot is.

Being far from family is hard. Not having any close friends to help you out when you need an hour of solace, is hard. It's all hard. And it's in those moments, when I'm feeling bad for myself, and a little overwhelmed with life that I have to remind myself that I CHOSE this path. I chose it, and never once did I think it would be easy. I'd be a fool if I ever thought the role of a parent was going to be a walk in the park. I didn't. I don't. I won't. So, with that, I keep on chugging along. I keep dealing with the tantrums. The poop on the floor. And the constant whines that tell me I'm not doing the best job in that very moment. Because being a mother is what I wanted to be and the role I wanted to hold. The life of a stay at home mom I tell ya!

I took a dumb quiz on Facebook the other day, one that said, "how many kid should you really have?" And you know what it told me, I couldn't handle more than one. If I haven't already thought that on my own a thousand times before taking that pathetic quiz, well, here is me taking it far too seriously and wondering what in the world I've gotten myself into? How am I supposed to raise two kids? I can barely handle one half of the time. And to add to the fire, now that I'm about to have a daughter, naturally I'll have to have even more kids, because you know what, every girl deserves a sister...not that I'll get to choose the gender of my children of course. But, I couldn't imagine going through life without my sisters. I'd seriously be a disaster without them. But, it's not just that, even if I go a little crazy these next 15 to 20 years raising a family, it will all be worth it when they have each other to lean on, to learn from, and to walk through life with. I love my siblings more than any of them will ever realize, and for that reason alone, I want my kids to also know the same joys that I do. So, bring on more kids...years and years down the road of course, because I couldn't handle a whole slew of them right now.

Life has felt a little overwhelming these days to say the least. A little bit lonely. And a lot uncomfortable. I lied to someone the other day, unintentionally, and told them I was due in two months. It wasn't until hours later I realized I actually have three months of pregnancy left. Three months! Oh boy. You know what makes you feel good about that though, someone at church asking you if you're sure you don't have two in there? I know I've been a little bit cranky lately, said things out of haste, and not been the most pleasant to be around. But, what's pregnancy good for (besides a baby of course) if we can't use it as a poor excuse for our behavior?

Thank goodness for a trip to Utah in a few more days. A much needed trip at that. One that is nice and long. I couldn't think of anything better right now than a two week break from real life, where I get to hang out with all of my siblings, and all of my nieces and nephews, and only step in as a parent when I'm breaking up a fight over a toy! Yes, this vacation is needed. A break before life get's really crazy around here and I have another child...and then potentially move all the way across the world. Aiy yi yi.

Winter Blues

I never remember lamenting a winter as much as I have this one. I don't know if it's because everyone out here said it's not that bad, maybe a few really cold days here and there, but nothing too intense, or if it's because I have a child now and being stuck in doors just plan sucks. Either way, this winter is quickly eating me up. 

We've had too many below freezing days to count. Too much snow for my liking. And way too much time spent in doors...both fighting colds and the frigid cold. 

I may have grown up in Utah, gone to school in Idaho for a few years, and dealt with cold winters for the last 28 years. So, I know how winters go. It's cold, but life moves on. But I'll tell you what, a midwest winter is not to be messed with. The humid temperatures make this cold, bone biting. It goes right through you, and bites you at the core. It's miserable to say the least. I much prefer the winter infested snow land of Utah than I do to this kind of cold. And that's saying something. At least in Oklahoma we had random days in the 60 to break up the winter and remind you spring IS coming. But not here.

After spending over a week trapped in doors due to a sick child and my sick self this past week, I vowed today would be the day we'd get back to real life. And then this morning rolled around, and I woke up to a child who slept lousy last night, a nose that won't stop running, and a temper to match. So, we stayed in this morning. And all I can think about is running away to a beach. Where it's warm. And the sun melts my body all day long. 

But I know winter will be here for awhile longer, so, I will do my best to "enjoy" a season I could bypass all together and my life would still feel complete. 

And just so I'm not a total sore sport when it comes to winter, we DID venture out in it one day, when I was convinced a little fresh air would do us good. It did. For about 20 minutes. And then I had to deal with a lovely tantrum from a little boy who could spend his life outside, no matter what the air feels like, and be perfectly content. I on the other hand am a wimp, and both our runny noses and red cheeks told me it was time to come inside. 

How could I deprive such a happy face? Well, I'm a mean mom. In the winter.